Anger - What is it & How to Express it

 

"My anger was not a demon to be tamed , it was a wound that needs to be healed” - Issac Rowe

Anger is a normal emotion to have and is usually experienced when an unpleasant feeling occurs. 

Anger is a ‘bodyguard’ emotion, protecting other emotions from being seen. Referred to as a 'secondary emotion' anger overs up other vulnerable feelings such as shame, fear and loss, embarrassment or rejection.

Anger can be linked to aggression, but not all the time. Most people try to avoid this feeling of aggression. However, anger can also lead people to feel misunderstood and isolated.

When we feel under threat anger presents itself and pushes people away. As the saying goes, 'attack is the best form of defence.'

Like an iceberg, anger is seen easily from the surface. However, it's hard to see what is underneath, or the triggering emotions. Therefore its difficult to see the primary emotion.

Anger and Attachment

People who get attached in a disorganized way battle between  the need to belong (to love and connect with others) and the need to survive (to protect oneself). - Source: Psychology Today

This can lead to anger and aggression  in some cases. 

How to Express Anger

Appropriate - Right time, in the right place, towards the right person, and in the right amount

Spontaneous - don’t suppress or bottle up your anger

Direct - say why you are feeling angry

Assertive - express yourself assertively (i.e., respect the other person’s rights as well as your own), instead of passively or aggressively